Paris Hilton Giving Advice 

Paris Advising Britney Spears

December 6. 2007

It appears lack of success has gone to Paris Hilton’s head. According to an article on Monsters and Critics, she has been giving Britney Spears advice on how to get her career back. She has instructed her to hire the best managers and agents.

Right, didn’t you just get dropped by your manager, agent and record label, Paris. I distinctly remember writing about that here. You did a lot of nasty things to different people (and apparently literally as well).

What advice from personal experience are you going to give Britney?

How to get locked up
How to become a porn star
How to get your license suspended
How to use every racial slur known to man
How to invent new racial slurs that minorities such as myself have to look up online
How to take so many drugs Pete Doherty tells you “that’s too much”
How to pole dance
How to pole dance drunk
How to get listed as a port by the navy
How to date half of Greece
How to single-handedly cause the CDC to open a branch next to your house
How to repeatedly engage in risky conduct that will ensure you will need Valtrex
How to become your own STD
How to join a celebrity cult that invades your privacy and fleeces you out of your money
How to embarrass your family
How to cost your family a fortune in legal fees
How to have a CD that sets the bottom half of the Top 200 Albums chart on fire
How to embarrass your aunt to the point she publicly disowns you in the paper
How to make Oscar winning films so bad clerks don't even bother to make up a tag for it
How to make films so stinky they get placed under the counter way behind the good movies in the DVD section
How to steal copyrights from different artists

While I admit the time Judge Sauer sentenced you to, which caused you to serve almost a month in jail, has done you a lot of good in that you have calmed down a lot (at least in public), you are in no way ready to be dispensing advice, as you haven’t fully cleaned up your act.

Furthermore, remember what happened the last time you and Britney (plus Lindsay Lohan) got together – it was the beginning of a downward spiral, engineered by the Kabbalah Center.

Too bad you didn't bring Nicole Richie that night the three of you were all squished up in your sports car. You could have strapped her to the back of your car as the antennae.

Like I said, you may want to hold back on the advice giving.