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Boozeneyís Bummy Excuses

Public Ponders Britney's Future

September 17. 2007

Scarface Scarf-face: Did Britney join the Taliban - oh wait, that's right, they want to chop her head off and Madonna's too

You know you're up a creek when attorney Gloria Allred is releasing statements and a video message about a secret witness that retained her, who wants to testify against you in a custody hearing, regarding your two kids the world witnessed you treat in an appalling manner.

Britney Still Looking Dazed And Confused:

You know you're up a creek when the public is demanding you apologize over a free performance you botched to the 12th power, making label executives have nervous breakdowns, watching millions of dollars also known as their investment in you, go up in smoke.

You know your career is up a creek when your new single titled "Gimme More" is being called "Gimme Smores" and "Gimme More...Cheetos" by the public.

And this dear people is Britney Spears' current self-induced, self-inflicted predicament. With the custody of her children in jeopardy and her career in tatters after her ill-fated VMA performance that left the public and professionals alike pronouncing said jaunt the end of her career, it stinks to be Britney Spears.

Britney Looking High And Rough:

Her discombobulated reps have been working overtime putting forth implausible excuses for her dismal and terrifyingly terrible VMA performance, blaming it on everything from global warming to Al Gore refusing to be her dance partner while she opened the show - joking (ironically, he and Madonna have the same testosterone count, go figure).

While her reps' tomfoolery is running full speed, the Britster has been knocking back margaritas and anything else she can get her hands on that's 100% proof. It's the booze (and who knows what else) that got you in trouble in the first place, Boozney.

Never mind her ex-husband Kevin Federline is coming out smelling like roses - Britney is coming out smelling like the manure that fertilized the roses.

Spears flicking cigarette by son's face:

While she got sloshed in Las Vegas, he had a birthday party for his two sons that even Britneyís parents attended. Burn. But back to the excuses, as they are quite amusing. Here are a few:

1. Her weave was horrible because she fired her stylist before the show and in an act of revenge the hair groomer cut up her extensions (I donít believe that one - that's what you call creative writing).

2. Her clothes were ill-fitting and embarrassing, because Spears didnít wear the clothes MTV provided (that I believe). What was she thinking going out there in a bra and booty shorts. Cover it up! You are no longer a sex symbol.

You've popped out two kids in two years, during which time the world saw you perennially go around like you were in dire need of a bath and a brush, killing your image.

3. She didnít have enough time to rehearse. Well, she was out partying, drinking and doing who knows what else instead of practicing.

4. She heard sarcastic, sick Sara Silvermanís jokes before her performance and it upset her. Silverman said she didnít rehearse them so Britney couldnít have known what she was going to say in calling her kids "mistakes." Regardless, Britney was the one that said her kids were "mistakes." You carelessly put that out there.

5. And of course, the whole thing was MTVís fault, because they were using her to get ratings. Rubbish! Much as I donít agree with MTV on many things, I saw the rehearsal tape online and she looked normal in it.

How were they to know a bleary eyed, disoriented, lethargic, stripper clothes clad Spears would bounce off their stage and scare the life out of the world.

Thatís not MTV Ė thatís Britney. She did this switching things up at the last minute twice already this year, substituting professionals' plans with her idiocy and lunacy.

She was the one that went on stage looking drunk and high, opting to wear that awful get up, much like she disrupted the OK! and Allure magazine photo shoots, complaining the clothes weren't sexy and revealing enough. Then proceeded to classily wipe up dog poop and pee with the couture clothing - that's called barking mad, pardon the pun.

Blame plummeting celebrity - Spears' Cheeto colored home finally sold last week for millions below asking price, after she dumped large sums into renovating it and had to split the reduced proceeds with Kevin Federline:

...But She's Not Exactly A Scientist, Now Is She

You give her too much credit. Britney the pop tart is a label and management creation. The real Britney is an emotionally and mentally stunted individual that spent years of her life being told what to do.

Now that her mind is gone due to a textbook case of cult involvement (Kabbalah) coupled with the fact that sheís trying to do her own thing, the wheels have come off the crazy bus.

Itís not her manager or parents' fault either, though someone should have stopped her from this madness. Spears is doing what she wants and showing the world how incapable she is in the process.

Britney is not a scientist, scholar, politician or social activist. She is a fallen pop star who was well packaged and primped by a record label and management firm. Left to her own devices, this is what happens.

She didnít focus on developing her mind. Her sole focus was developing her abs and now that they are toast she is floundering. This is what happens when she is being pig headed and is allowed to run the show. Itís what happens when the inmate runs the asylum.

She has bad taste, as she believes dressing in next to nothing is better than wearing a decent outfit.

She brought MTV ratings, though still much lower than years past when they were both in their prime, for all the wrong reasons. People tuned in to see if the train wreck would derail even further or if it could get back on the track and ride again and it didnít. It flew off the rails even further.

Britney needs to go home to her family and stop acting out in public for all to see. She is going to go too far one day and no one will be there to stop her from going over the edge.

Once again, some of you give some artists too much credit. They were signed to a label, their music heavily written and produced by others from the start, their look put together by stylists and hair stylists, their interviews guarded by publicists to hide their lack of intelligence.

These arenít Nobel Prize winners. Theyíre pop stars with more issues than 10 people could accumulate over a lifetime.

But you, the media and entertainment industry, give them that podium and all of a sudden they fall in love with the sound of their voice and think they are Einstein. Itís the same in every country with pop stars and itís been happening for decades. Nothing new here. Music historians have seen this many times before.

It is guaranteed when artists do certain things they will crash and burn, but they never learn from history, as they are too busy paying attention to their hype and appearance, instead of their minds and inner being.

Note to arrogant pop stars: A little humility wouldn't hurt. You are not the best thing since sliced bread. You are a pop star, who will end up in the annals of history, most likely forgotten, as your contribution to the world has been undiluted vapidity.

Decades from now, no one will care about your belly ring or the once flat abs it adorns (or adorned, provided you don't OD first). There are greater, more important things in this world than you, whose legacy will stand the test of time, while yours fades into oblivion. Therefore, do something useful with your life for a change.

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