A few days ago, I misread a news headline, which I thought said Chicago Bulls’ star basketball player, Derek Rose, got arrested for DUI and thinking about the Miami Heat and the playoffs, I said yay! Turns out it was another basketball player, Jalen Rose. Wrong Rose! Got my hopes up for nothing! Sorry, it’s the playoffs and people sometimes get desperate anxious.

All this time I’ve been sitting here trying to psych out Kobe on the site, when another threat was looming, via this dude sitting right here on the East Coast shutting people down on the court. Uh, anybody know anything I can write about his mama or girlfriend? My work is never done (kidding).

Note: A bribe message to all cops, even black ones, $50 if you arrest Derek Rose for DUI DWB "driving while black" causing him to miss a playoff game. He's gonna need Obama and the Secret Service to get out of this one.

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