Being an evil animal that exploits and enslaves blacks - and that's when she's not trying to have us criminally mowed down - is clearly taking its toll on Madonna. She was photographed yesterday looking like an animal extra from Eragon. You know what I think would cheer you up - an indictment.

The Materialess Girl has watched as her career evaporated this year and the whole thing has clearly left her bitter, bewildered and broke down looking. Well, you've been distastefully destroying innocent people's careers for years, so it was bound to come back to you. You reap what you sow.