June 6. 2007

Even in prison, the public can't escape Paris Hilton and are complaining about it. She has been sending whining reports to TMZero whilst in jail, also known as overexposure. She seems to be fond of overexposure.

It was a hard lesson for her to learn, but must we constantly be briefed on the jailbird, who thoroughly deserved her sentence. She acts like she was sentenced to 5 years in jail rather than 5 weeks, which was cut down to 3 weeks.

Yes, Paris, we know your roots are growing out.

Yes, Paris, we know you are developing a unibrow.

Yes, Paris, we know that the personal chef prison cook has put calories in your food without your permission.

Yes, Paris, we know that one of your contact lenses is pointing in the wrong direction. Wait...that's normal for you. Never mind.

Yes, Paris, we know that you can't find anything to match with orange.

Yes, Paris, we know that your dog was seen running down the street yelling "I'm free."

Yes, Paris, we know you almost accidentally got busted for prostitution. Hey, walks like a duck...

Do your time and put a cork in it, already.